


That Kiss

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alien Rituals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-02
Updated: 2008-06-02
Packaged: 2018-01-26 19:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1699271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was his girlfriend, and he should be honest with her. "I kissed Sheppard on the mission today."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to neevebrody for the beta! (I've messed with it afterwards though.) First chapter written for McSheplets challenge #20: confession

"Hey, how was the mission?" Jennifer came to Rodney and hooked her fingers into his belt loop.

He smiled at her, hoping it didn't seem as forced as it felt. "I don't need a doctor."

"Are you sure about that?" she asked, pulling him closer.

God, how easy would it be not to say anything and to just let her drag him to the bed? But he couldn't, not this time.

He placed his hands on hers and gently pushed them away. "Actually, there's something I should tell you. I think." Yes, he _thought_ he should tell her. He wasn't sure. In fact, he still didn't understand exactly what had happened and why.

"O-kay," she said. Her smile gave way to concern. "The others are fine?"

"Yes, yes." Physically they were all fine. Other things remained to be seen. Either way, he felt it would be the right thing to tell her. She _was_ his girlfriend, and he should be honest with her. "I kissed Sheppard on the mission today."

Her eyebrows rose, and her mouth quirked in what almost looked like amusement.

"It was a ritual. Sheppard volunteered, and I thought better this than having to eat something disgusting or wear some stupid grass skirt. And since we tend to leave the proving your inhuman strength to Ronon, I figured I could volunteer for this."

"When did you ever have to wear grass skirts?" Now she was definitely amused.

"The _point_ is," he said, not taking the bait, "I kissed Sheppard." There he'd said it, he'd done his duty as a boyfriend.

"Well...how was it?" she asked, eyes sparking.

Rodney groaned inwardly. Jennifer was amazing. Funny and hot and not easily offended. Anyone else would be jealous, but she didn't feel threatened by this at all. He shouldn't do anything to risk what he had with her.

"It was good," he said, which was sort of true.

They hadn't had to kiss in a specific way, so Rodney had assumed it would be a quick peck. It had been. Right up until John had opened his mouth. Rodney had been pulling back at that point. He didn't know why he'd gone back, why he'd fitted his mouth onto John's. He told himself that it was his implicit trust in John when they were off-world—and not just there really. Only, implicit trust and following John's lead by instinct didn't explain what he'd felt.

"It was amazing," he said quietly, not looking at Jennifer, but unable not to say it.

He played the kiss over in his head. The careful movement as they figured out the best angle. The pressure as they gave into the urgency. John's hands had found their way around his body, and Rodney had run his hands up John's arms, his shoulders, his neck until he was holding his face and the kiss became both more gentle and more sensual.

John's tongue had traced Rodney's lower lip hesitantly, but then Rodney had opened his mouth, inviting more of him in. His tongue against John's had been electric.

"It was...possibly the best kiss of my life." That _was_ a lie, because there was no 'possibly' about it. He dared to look at Jennifer, who wasn't smiling any longer.

He didn't know why he was doing this to her or to himself. But that kiss had been earth-shattering, life-changing. John had pulled his body close, thrusting against him. He'd been hard, and Rodney had gasped, because he'd wanted that. He'd moved one hand down to John's ass, and John had groaned into his mouth, and Rodney's own dick had stirred, because having John against him and inside him and not holding back at all was the hottest thing that had ever happened to him.

"I got hard," he said apologetically.

"I don't suppose you're telling me this because you want a little re-enactment." She smiled, but it was forced, and she sounded vulnerable. He hated that, because she was only like that when she was afraid.

"I had to tell you," he said, but he wasn't sure it was the truth. He knew that telling her was the right thing, but he could have stopped at just telling her about the kiss. Only he hadn't, and it had brought them to this point.

"It was just a ritual?" He suspected it wasn't intended as a question, but it couldn't be mistaken as anything else. He could say yes. He _should_ say yes if he wanted to have any chance at all to fix this. Which really was the question.

If he wanted to be with Jennifer, why had he gone into such detail in telling her, to the point that it made her wonder what he was really trying to say. She was giving him an out. She was asking him to say one word and they'd forget about it and go on.

The only problem was, he didn't think he would be able to forget about it. He'd meant nothing more than to give John a quick peck on the lips because the natives had asked them to do it. But what they'd ended up doing had nothing at all to do with the ritual.

"We didn't stop until they asked us to," Rodney admitted.

Jennifer watched him for a long moment. "If you want to break up, then just say so, Rodney," she said in the voice that she used in emergencies when she needed her orders followed without hesitation or complaint.

"No," he immediately said. But then he wondered if not that, what did he want? She'd given him every chance to say that he didn't want the kiss—that unplanned and insane and unreal kiss—to mean anything to their relationship. And he'd ignored every single one of them. "I don't know," he said truthfully.

She stepped closer to him, scrutinizing his face as if she could read what he wanted when he himself didn't know.

"I do," she eventually said.

He waited for her to explain, heart beating in his chest. He remembered how John had initiated the kiss, taking that step and opening himself up for Rodney to see this new side of him, of _them_. Rodney had had so many questions. Why? Why now? What does this mean? But John hadn't been able to look at him once they'd stopped and for the remainder of the mission. And Rodney had no idea what to expect of him. Would they pretend it hadn't happened and try to forget it as Jennifer had invited him to do? He didn't know. But at least for her part, Jennifer had an answer.

"I wish you all the best, Rodney." She cupped his face and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

Rodney wanted to turn his face and really kiss her, but in that moment he realized that it was too late for that. He still didn't have the answer to all his questions, but he knew one thing.

In his own way, he'd made his choice, and his choice had been for another's kiss.


	2. After That Kiss

The next morning, Rodney joined his team for breakfast. John only quickly glanced at him, the first time he'd made any eye contact since their kiss. Teyla and Ronon greeted him, but after that there was only silence, and Rodney could feel the tension in all of them, most of all John.

Rodney watched John. They were sitting opposite each other, but John steadfastly kept his eyes on his cereal.

When Teyla suddenly reached over to push Rodney's tray aside a bit, he looked up and saw that she'd made the place for Jennifer. He gulped.

Jennifer hesitated, but then smiled at Teyla and sat down.

They continued to eat in heavy silence until Jennifer asked, "So what is it that you traded for?" Everyone except John looked at her. "I mean on the mission. To the natives that made you kiss."

John's head snapped up at that, and he stared at Rodney almost reproachfully.

Rodney held his gaze, jaw clenching. If John had wanted to pretend it never happened, he should have told him. He could have faced Rodney and simply said that it was temporary insanity and that it would never happen again. Rodney could have made fun of him, and then he could have laughed about it with Jennifer, or at least he could have faked either of those things. Instead, he had _broken up_ with his girlfriend over a kiss that clearly was extremely uncomfortable for the man who'd initiated it in the first place.

Damn Sheppard. Rodney wasn't going to feel guilty about telling her.

The silence at the table grew almost unbearable, and he could feel all eyes on him and Sheppard.

"The ritual wasn't in the report," John finally said, still glaring at Rodney.

"We felt it was unnecessary to mention the details," Teyla added.

Of course it was. It never happened. Rodney tried not to feel too bitter about it, although he had every right in the world. What had he been thinking when he'd told Jennifer?

"Oh," Jennifer said. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone." Sheppard seemed slightly mollified by that. Then Jennifer added, "I'm not a vengeful ex."

Rodney wanted to die. John turned to her, his stare now full of surprise instead of the hard, almost belligerent look he'd given Rodney.

If Rodney had had any hope of patching things up with Jennifer those hopes were over, because if she felt the need to tell the others, she obviously considered it final.

John's gaze dropped to his tray. He seemed to think hard about something, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. Great. Now he took the time to think before he did something.

What he did was abruptly get up. "I have to go." He barely acknowledged them and went off, taking his half-eaten breakfast with him.

Rodney watched him go. 

He suddenly became aware of the looks everyone was throwing him. Ronon looked as if he was ready to force Rodney to follow John if he didn't move soon. Teyla wasn't quite as threatening, but she too was clearly waiting for him to go. He looked at Jennifer, and she gave him a melancholic smile.

Okay, _fine_.

He got up and went straight to John's office, which was for some reason his hiding place of choice.

John got up and stepped around the desk to stand opposite of Rodney, but he didn't say anything, and his expression was blank.

Rodney crossed his arms in front of him. "I had to tell her."

Suddenly John's expression softened, and he looked at the ground. "I'm sorry," he said so quietly that Rodney almost didn't hear him.

"Sorry for what?" Rodney asked, throwing his arms in the air. "For kissing me? Or for behaving like an asshole afterwards?"

"I didn't—" John stopped himself. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

"And you still haven't said for what," Rodney pointed out.

"I didn't plan this."

"No kidding. I didn't either. And yet, it happened, and we somehow have to deal with it, preferably before I lose something else apart from my _girlfriend_."

"I'm so—"

"If you say 'I'm sorry' one more time you _will_ be."

"I shouldn't have done it. I didn't think."

"Yes, I figured as much with your kissing equivalent of a hit and run."

John looked to the ground. He didn't look as if he was even _aware_ of the possibility of them continuing what they'd started so haphazardly.

"It was a great kiss," Rodney said.

John looked up.

"Right there in the top...one for me actually," Rodney continued.

A ghost of a smile played over John's lips. Those lips that had felt so good against Rodney's.

"And since it did happen, unplanned as it may have been, and since we both happen to be single _this_ time around"—John winced at that—"we could consider doing it again."

John looked away again. "Rodney."

"What?"

"This isn't a good idea."

"No," Rodney objected. "It _wasn't_ a good idea _yesterday_. _Today_ it's a perfectly acceptable idea."

"Rodney." John looked at him, and Rodney found it hard to believe that this was a man who regularly faced death. "I'm not very good at this."

And wasn't that the understatement of the century? He looked at what he'd had with Jennifer, that easy fun relationship. Hell, even his relationship with Katie seemed simple compared to what he was setting himself up for.

Hard as it was to believe, in this relationship, _he_ was going to be the sensible one who wouldn't be offended by apparent rejection and who'd somehow have to figure out what any particular non-communication meant, which was a terrifying thought.

"Well, that makes two of us," Rodney replied. John looked at him with resignation that matched his own.

God, they were doomed from the start.

However, there was still that kiss. That kiss and their friendship and the way they understood each other and enjoyed each other's company. Rodney hadn't even looked at other guys for the last decade, but now John was definitely on the radar, loud and clear. That had to count for something. "Even so, I'm refusing to give up this opportunity."

John's eyebrows rose. "Refusing?"

"Yes. Neither of us seemed to have all that much control over it. Maybe it was a sign?"

"A _sign_?" John asked, incredulous.

"Okay, maybe not. Maybe this is a really stupid idea, and since it's outside the realm of astrophysics or even common sense, there is a slight possibility that I'm completely wrong, but I think we should give it a try."

"Well, if _that_ isn't a ringing endorsement."

Rodney managed not to roll his eyes. He'd love to simply _ask_ John what he wanted, but the chances of getting a straight answer were about as good as receiving a spontaneous hug from him.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Before John could protest again, Rodney pulled his face into a hard kiss.

Hmmm, yes, _that_ kiss. John had either given in or was as helpless as Rodney was when they kissed.

Rodney briefly wondered how long it would take for him to find out if this was just some harmless attraction, an easy arrangement, or if it could become something more serious and permanent. With John, chances were it could take a while.

They stumbled towards the door, and John locked it before dragging Rodney towards his desk, tearing at his shirt.

As John undressed him, Rodney slid his hands over John's warm skin, content in the knowledge that however long it took, at least they'd enjoy themselves finding out.


End file.
